da YOOPER TIMES #161
Da Fish Beer & Beard Show was this past weekend. Maybe you went, in case you didn’t: gaining da show’s coveted “Voted #1” status for da 5th consecutive year was, to no one’s surprise, Wally Glannenen’s Interactive Beer Funnel Display. For this distinction Wally will keep his bragging rights from years past, as well as the giant foam finger that claims he is #1! Da Herbal Soap guy is not at all pleased (again) and thinks da voting at da show is rigged because his display of “Homemade Efferfescent Naturals” hasn’t had a fair shake since da show began in 1997. Not even so much as a lifetime achievement award. Zip. Moving on: Da Fish Eating Contest judges awarded Gail Dunny top honors for snarfing up 9 pounds of smoked haddock in under 9 minutes. “If I coulda used my hands, I’d have done it even quicker”, stated da happy winner. With the recognition, Ms. Dunny wins her name (engraved with past winners) on the base of da Mahogany Pelican. And rounding out da top prizes this year, Herb Eckloff took first prize in da Beard Contest for his facial spoils “grown since da 8th grade”. But even better than that, Herb’s upper back… took 2nd! First time dat’s happened! A great day for da Yeti-like, retired snow plow driver from Engadine. Attendance was down this year but organizers blame it on last month’s wind. — says it blew the show’s only ad off the bulletin board in the air lock of da Bait Store. The owners, Don and Joan are regretful and promise that next year they’ll remember to use push pins on all da corners. FB&B Show 2014: Lots of beer, lots of fish and lots of beards. Come back next year why doncha?
Herbert Lassinen didn’t get his Arby’s coupons in da paper Friday so if you need him Saturday, he’ll be at da Subway.
If you need some extra cash, Dr. Raymond Orter will be conducting a study all da month of April. You can make $20 just for getting sedated (for free, yah!) and sitting in some special chair with a colander on your noggin and a couple of wires hooked to a marine battery. Should only take 3-4 hours they say. Easy money. To find out if you or a loved one is eligible to participate in dis non-evasive clinical trial, give the good Dr. a call. And if you like evasive clinical trials, those will be in May.
This week’s Tourist of da Week is some Joe from da east side by da name of Godard. Joe Godard. Joe was in our peninsula last October for da Tandem Bike Festival in Brimley and filled out his lucky entry card at da Handlebar Basket and Craft Tent. For getting selected, Mr Godard wins a 3′ Cheese Oscar sponsored by da nice folks at Yooper Foot Massage: No worries, if your feet are knarly, we’ll just use da office stick. Congratulations Joe!
And that’s all da news dat fits dis week!