da YOOPER TIMES #173
Da Garden Club has announced this year’s winner of da Gutter Topiary Contest. Eddie Ekk and his creation “Da Mushroom Cloud” took first place overall among a record year for numbers of entrants. “It was really nothin,” Eddie told da Yooper Times, “I kinda just ignored it, let nature and some clogged up gutters run its course.” Modesty, clearly being one of Mr. Ekk’s best qualities, but alone won’t get past da Garden Club. They know how much work is actually involved in something this extraordinary. “It takes a careful eye for symmetry and expression, a love of nature and of earth, and a remarkable talent with nippers. Exquisite!” said Connie Javor, Garden Club Chairperson, “Mr. Ekk might be able to fool some of us with his bashfulness, but he’s not going to fool da entire Club. Congratulations to him and well deserved.” Honorable Mention to Werner Perkkula for his lovely brick garden. Thanks to all who entered!
Da famous green Zenith, in da 8-Point Bar & Grill, went black last Friday and as a result, barfly Carol Dreffs missed da end part of a Munsters show she was watchin. Gone was da end when Herman went golfing and screwed up da putting surface at da golf course real bad. You want to see a relatively quiet person go deer-blind nutso in seconds? Take away that someone’s Munsters show! This was almost as bad as that night when Stevie Kibit was trying to watch da Babe Winkleman Hour and Richard (don’t call him Dick) Houlmont kicked out da cord just being an ass. Pretty ugly that night, yah. This time though, da manager quickly called da TV repair guy who came out and fixed it right up. Even restored da picture to that perfect, low-contrast, chickweed green hue we’ve all grown to love. All is well again and if anybody knows how dat episode of da Munsters ended up, Carol would love to know.
Da Sisters of da Holy Wah Church will be hosting a congregation get-together so new parishioners can meet all da regular ones. It starts at 11:00 right after morning scripture this Sunday and since this event is a “Beer Luck”, newbies are suggested to bring some suds to pass around. There are 38 regular church goers, and 4 new ones, so da parish bookkeeper estimates that each newbie bring no less than one pony keg. Goes ’til midnight.
This week’s Tourist of da Week is a young man from downstate Michigan by da name of Derek Savage. Derek was in our remote area last month for Baraga’s Fish SausageFEST and filled out his lucky entry card at da table where they grind up da fish into tiny little chunks and stuff em into da casings. For getting selected, Derek wins a beautiful and locally hand-crafted popcorn ball sponsored by da happy fellas at Flack’s Popcorn Ball Museum and Gift Shop: What says “your big, summer trip to Upper Michigan” better than a popcorn ball? Nothing! Congratulations Derek!
And that’s all da news dat fits dis week!